"I Understand"......I Hate Those Words

"I understand".....no matter what I say to him about my feelings, his pat answer is "I understand". Every time he says those words to me it makes my head want to explode! The honest answer would be, "I can't imagine how you feel".

So what happened today to piss me off? I can hear you asking yourself. Well of course today is the dreaded Saturday; the "soon-to-be ex" brings over the car so I can shop. Today he drops off the car and instead of waiting at the house, which I was grateful for, he said that I could drop the car off where he was staying and he would drive me back home. I said, "No way!". I have no desire to want to drive over there, and what, take the risk of running into his mom or some other relative. Side note: his mother, the grandmother to my children has yet to try and call the kids to see how they're doing. What kind of Grandmother is THAT!

I digress....anyway, I dropped the kids off at home and decided I would try not being so juvenile and thought I would drive over to where he's staying, just to the corner of the block and he could get in the car, I would drive back to my house and then he could take the car. If I did this he wouldn't have to manage his way to my house on foot, or on public trans.

Well... when I called to tell him I was driving by he wasn't there....well, needless to say my switch just flipped! I lost my composure. I guess I figured if he wasn't home where was he. I'm trying my best not to care. There's no law that says he has to stay home all of the time.....problem is I still care.

I was angrier with myself for losing my composure.....it makes me look weak and I know it. I left him a few "choice" voice mail messages, which I regretted almost as soon as I left them.

Anyway, later on he sent me a text in response to mine....the first thing I did was apologize. I told him that I was just angry.....and he said those words! Why! It only served to make me angry all over again!

Every day in the work world I have to carry myself strong and self assured able to make the hard decisions and stick with them. Why can't I be the same way now.....I say to myself that this too shall pass, but dear God, can you please make it sooner than later?

Posted by La'Tanya Williams-Brisbon at 10:38 PM